Size 10 Envy

Two more pounds lost and more "are you loosing weight?". One from my *beep* supervisor and the other from the SO's sister. At first I was very surprised because of how "bad" I seem to have been but then realized that how bad I am now doesnt compare to how bad I use to be and didnt even realize it. For instance...this is what I use to eat in a typical day:

Breakfast: high sugar ceral
Snack: Chips
Lunch: Hamburger and fries w/ranch
Snack: Something sweet
Dinner: chicken w/mac and cheese and green beans
W/no water and mutliple dr peppers and or diet cokes

Hell no wonder I am 100 lbs overweight. Im still learning the right food combination to keep me full and keep the lbs off. Ive learned that if I let myself get into that "I could eat a horse" range then it sets me up for a binge. Ive also learned certain foods I cant eat even small portions. Another thing is to always have healthy food in the house because if theres nothing available I tend to eat out. An on going learning process.

Two girlfriends I work with and also live near...one who struggles with her weight and the another very skinny have started walking tues and thurs after work around the local HS track. I think Im going to walk MWF in the morning by myself and then on T/Th stick the SO w/babysitting duty and go with them. Walking seems to do well with me as long as its not treadmill walking. I feel like a hampster on a wheel and get bored easily not to mention the couch is near by. With going somewhere to walk you have a goal marker and then no matter what you have to walk back...well unless you have a driver you can call to come pick your lazy ass up.

First off, is anyone well versed in style sheets / html? Im having issues with a new style sheet I want to use. While in mozilla it looks perfect but when viewed in IE everything is wrong. Any ideas?

I think Im done mopping. Mopping is such a horrible thing. Yeah life sucks right now...but there are always going to be days when life doesnt go the way you want it to. You just have to make the best out of it. I havent ate too badly, well except for today with that cheesecake. I havent walked since Monday and earlier today I made up my mind I wouldnt walk in the morning...ill just start back on Monday. Nope! After reading others posts I know that the "ill be good on monday" attitude is what brought me to 260 lbs. So tomorrow Ill go walking. Tomorrow ill pack my lunch instead of eating out. Tomorrow night when we go out to eat Ill eat healthy. Tomorrow night when we go to the movies Ill avoid snacks even if SO gets them. Ill be strong. Ill be stubborn. And Ill do good.

I decided to make a list of reasons to make a lifestyle to eat healthy and exercise. Feel free to add your own...there are many many reasons.

1. To avoid diabetes and other weight related diseases
   
2. To have more energy
3. To walk up stairs without passing out
4. To not sweat as much and chafe (as nasty as it sounds, you big girls know it happens)
   
5. To feel confident with yourself
6. To be able to accomplish something most cant
7. To see a runner and no longer be envious
8. To avoid becoming a walking heart attack
9. To get that "have you lost weight?"
10. To no longer have to shop in the "big girl section"
11. To have a better sex life (because some positions arent working and you know it)
12. To no longer have your weight hold you back from opportunities
13. To wear a bathing suit in public and feel sexy as hell
14. To be able to shop at Victoria Secret and ask "Do you have this in a smaller size?"
15. To encourage those around you that you can do it too
16. To teach by example so your children do face that same childhood you did
17. To go to your high school reunion and people not recognize you
18. To run into your exboyfriend and smile
19. To no longer feel bad because of the massive amounts of sugar and sodium you use to eat

And much much more....

I havent been doing very well. Ive been very discourage and quite frankly just having a "I dont give a damn" attitude. I know wheres its coming from. Or at least now I do. Emotions. SO and I have been bickering and havent had time to ourselves in awhile which in turns makes me blow things mentally out of portion and think hes cheating on me, or he doesnt love me, or hes gay, ok maybe not the last one but I am queen of assuming the worse. He's been working alot of overtime so Ive been pulling double duty with C also. Work is as hetic as ever. C has been having "issues", ie she flipped a lil girl off because the lil girl said her shirt looked funny and over diva qualities coming out. To top it all off Im tired. Mentally and physically tired.

These are the same emotions that got me to the place I am now and I dont know what to do. How do I get out of this I dont give a damn mood? At my docs appt today for the the thyroid (im hypo), their weighed me, of course, and Im up 1.5 lbs since friday. I can just see all the hard work Ive done starting to slip away.

This weekend was....bad. Not downing cheeseburgers and cheesecake bad...but damn near close. I didnt count calories, I didnt eat right, and I didnt drink my water like I was suppose to. I kept using the horrible excuse "Im tired so I dont have to do well; Ill do better when Ive got my rest and eating healthy takes too much energy". I just want to slap myself upside the head. The reason Im tired is because im carrying an extra 100 lbs on my lungs, heart, and my poor lil bones. Hell yeah youd be tired too. Bad bad excuse. But instead of giving up now like I normally would im learning from it and moving on. I even got my very tired self up this morning to go walking.

Heres to another day...

2 more lost! Yes I do kick ass, thank you thank you very much. Another bit of inspiration is the fact that my friend sent me a picture of the bridesmaid dress she wants me to wear at her wedding in Nov.

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This definately is not a "big girl" dress. You know the dress...a dress with a waist to hide the tummy and broad hips...and a dress with some type of sleeves to hide the "winged" effected. That ever popular underarm jiggle. Speaking of underarm jiggle there are a very parts of my body Id like to eventually see go. In rank they are:

1. tummy (the 3 tier effect....an upper tummy and eeek a lower tummy)
2. under arm bat wings uck
3. mushy thighs
4. this weird back love handle that is somewhat new

And why Im at it picking on the bad...time to look at the good. These are the things I love about my stubborn body:

1. My naturally curly auburn tinted thick hair
2. My lips
3. My peaches and cream complexion
4. My freckles
5. My eyes
6. My feet (dont ask)

Its nice to think of the positive from time to time...keeping the self esteem in check.

My "lil friend" has finally come to visit me, and with a passion. In all reality all I want to do is crawl into bed with the ac turned low, in a large oversize tshirt and watch Oprah and cry. Because of my lil friend I whimped out and didnt go walking wednesday morning. Yeah yeah I know, walking helps cramps....but sleep helps cranky Ashley feel better =). Hopefully tomorrow morning I can pick back up because of weigh in tomorrow. Ive been doing very well diet wise...Im even thinking of bringing in down to 1200 instead of 1300. My only problem is dinner. I tend to eat most of my calories then when I need to eat more for breakfast. I also found out that SO's two sisters and two young nephews are coming over Sat for dinner and that one sister and the two boys are spending the night. Hopefully I wont overeat saturday. Its going to be hard, especially considering what im fixing; the complete southern meal: baked ham with brown sugar glaze, fresh green beans with newt potatoes cooked with slab, homemade baked mac and cheese, jiffy corn bread, and homemade baked beans with bacon. Oh and lets not forget the sweet tea that could cause diabetic shock. Yummm. This is why most of the south is big....we eat like this, sometimes daily.

I got my first "are you loosing weight?" comment today. Its been a wonderful, glorious day =). Ok worked sucked, Florida feels like a sauna right now, and finances are well, yuck. But! I it was a good day =). I also ate very well. I tweaked my calories, where I could save 20 here and save 20 there and stayed under 1300. Wasnt hungry either like I was yesterday. Yesterday I could have ate a small animal if it moved too slow. I was raviously hungry, and for no reason. That I know of at least.

The storms are rolling in right now but hopefully they'll be gone by tomorrow morning for my walk.

Im going to try bending myself into a very awkward position. Exercise Chick gave me this link: http://www.yogasite.com/sunsalute.htm
Ive tried yoga before. When of my better friends is an instructor. I even bought an at home dvd. I busted my head on the wall while trying some position I seriously believe God didnt mean for us to be in and that was the modified version. But this, this I think I can do.

Wish me luck.